I've studied happiness for years — here are the 12 best pieces of advice I'm giving my daughter by Gretchen Rubin on May 30, 2017, 1:41 PM Advertisement
 It's graduation season. I'm particularly aware of this, because my daughter Eliza is graduating from high school in two weeks. The days are long, but the years are short. I'm trying to hold back the urge to follow her around the apartment giving her little bits of advice and wisdom. To relieve my mind, here's what I would tell her, or anyone graduating from high school, college, or graduate school: SEE ALSO: The best advice that college grads never hear 1. Know yourself Something that’s clearer to me every day is that there’s no magic, one-size-fits-all solution for building a happy, healthy, and productive life. You have to know yourself: your temperament, your interests, your values. For instance… • are you an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel? • are you a Lark or Owl? • are you a Marathoner or Sprinter? • are you a Simplicity-lover or Abundance-lover? • are you a Finisher or Opener? • are you an Abstainer or Moderator? • are you an Under-buyer or Over-buyer? The better we know ourselves, the more readily we can construct a life that will work for us.
2. Beware of drift.  “Drift” is the decision we make by not deciding, or by making a decision that unleashes consequences for which we don’t take responsibility. You go to medical school because both your parents are doctors. You get married because all your friends are getting married. You take a job because someone offers you that job. You want the respect of the people around you, or you want to avoid a fight or a bout of insecurity, or you don’t know what else to do, so you take the path of least resistance. The word “drift” has overtones of laziness or ease. Not true! Drift is often disguised by a huge amount of effort and perseverance. For me, law school was drift, and it was hard every step of the way, from the LSAT to my clerkship with Justice Sandra Day O’Connor to the New York Bar exam. In the end, I’m happy I did go to law school — and that’s another tricky thing about drift. Sometimes drift does make you happy. But don’t count on it. One of my drift-related Secrets of Adulthood is “You can choose what you do, but you can’t choose what you like to do.” And here’s another one: “Approval from the people we admire is sweet, but it’s not enough to be the foundation of a happy life.” One of the problems of drift is that we try to deny we’re drifting. To see if you’re drifting, take this quiz.
3. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good I cribbed this from Voltaire, and I remind myself of it often. I can’t let the perfect, fantasy Gretchen crowd out the actual, real Gretchen. I remind myself that the 20-minute walk I take is better than the 3-mile run I never start; having friends over for take-out is better than never having people to an elegant dinner party.
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